Finding that oh so sacred and sought after balance between being a wife, a mom, and me is exhausting, exhilarating, trying, and sometimes maddening.
I heard it called recently in an interview with Jada Pinkett Smith (below) a paradox and that really stuck with me. On one hand I have to think about each of my sons and what they need from me. Then I think about okay what does my husband need from me. Now, if I am being real with you all, often times in my past that is where my thinking would end. My life revolved around the wants of everyone else and I put myself last, or really, less then last. There would be times where it would be 2pm and I would realize I hadn't eaten. A day would go by and I would realize I hadn't drank water. A month would go by and I would realize I had done nothing for me. Now don't get me wrong being a wife. Being a mom. Those two things are my most sacred job, gift, responsibility, and passion. They truly are what I put above all else. There are so many joys. I have learned to play, be present, love unconditionally no matter what, and to grow and change each day.
However, I noticed as the years went by that I was feeling drained, cranky, not confident, and just plain not like "me". That brought up even harder questions, "who was me? What had I become? Who did I want to be?" I think as moms we so easily forget ourselves and what I have learned is when you forget yourself you're not the only one to pay the price. I have seen my life change in the last year. How my kids see me, how my husband sees me, how we interact, how I see myself, and how I feel about myself.
This process has been long and is forever evolving. Do I think I have it perfectly figured out? No. I do however see a bigger picture, and strive for a better balance, with the understanding that at certain times one piece of all that I juggle may need more of my time and that is okay, as long as I am conscious.
The key for me: Communication, time, and understanding. Communication is really just the foundation of all healthy things. It took me really talking out my concerns with Bryan (my husband), counseling (which I always highly recommend for everyone...it's a game changer), and personal development. No one is going to help you if you don't ask. If you don't communicate your needs to your husband, yourself, and your kids.
We need to remind ourselves that these changes are slow and are a fluid journey, not a destination. Be gentle with yourself. Also, understand that what works for one mom may not work for all. You need to do some soul searching and dig deep into your goals, reconnect with passions, set out on a path to rediscovering yourself.
When we lose ourselves and we don't take care of ourselves, that causes us to get out of balance. When we are unbalanced and lost in it all, we really can't, as effectively, take care of others. When I had kids or when I started thinking about the balance in my life, you want to know how I felt? SELFISH.... I feel like our society today makes us feel like we are selfish for taking care of ourselves and putting us first sometimes. I believe however that it's my responsibility to take care of me. What I do and what all the mothers I know do takes an immense about of strength, heart, and mental capacity every single day. If I'am not on my own game, if I'am not feeling good, then how in the world can I expect to model, take care of, and provide for everyone else at a level that they deserve and that I deserve. So, I actively seek and work hard every singe day to take responsibility for my own happiness. I don't put that expectation on my husband or on my kids. I choose happiness and balance every single day. Is it always pretty? Heck no..life is messy but what I am working on reminding myself of is that there is a small win in those moments to be thankful for and guess what? Tomorrow is a new day, with new potential, to try again. So take time for you. That can look different for all of us. Below is my list and stay tuned for what each of these looks like in my life, how I make it work, and why I feel it's important.
1. Working out
3. Gratitude
4. Follow a passion or start a hobby
5. Eat clean MOST of the time
6. Date
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